IT IS REAL AND IT IS SERIOUS

Below is a comment on left on Miss Nemesis' post. It brought so many emotions and memories to the surface that I just felt I had to share them here as well. Depression is real and not something to be taken lightly. It is an everyday struggle. Just like how some one is a recovering alcoholic, so is some one a recovering depressed person. Some people have depression due to chemical imbalances, some it's hereditary, and for some like me it is brought on by abuse whether emotional, physical or sexual. (Just for the record my abuse was not at the hands of my family, I was raised by loving parents who were pained when they finally learned of my experience.) There is always the fear of returning to that dark place but there is also the knowledge that you are not alone. You do not have to return to those dark days, you can get help. And if anyone reads this and hasn't gotten help. I urge you to ask for help immediately. Do not be scared, do not be ashamed. You will realize that not only are there loved ones that want to stand by you and help you but also that there are loved ones who may have struggled themselves at some point and are willing to share their strength and path back to the life with you.

My comment:
i have so much running through my mind right after reading your post, dooce's post which brought tears to my eyes, and then most the comments. i have depression. currently i am not on medication but i owe my life as it is today to Heavenly Father and Prozac. you never recover from depression, it will be with you for the rest of your life and everyday you must fight it. somedays are better and easier than others, months can pass in perfect harmony and then what i like to call "black days" can strike with no warning and for no reason. my depression began in my teenage years but did not come to a head until my sophmore year at BYU, and yes i do think the pressure of the "utopian" culture but not the LDS religion did play a part in that. there is a real struggle to seperate the gospel from the hypocrisy of some of the members and the pressure and expection to be perfect in all manners. would i have had a mental and physical breakdown had i not moved to utah, yes of course. i just think that it happened sooner due to the unique nature of the culture. but as i said i do not blame the religion, i am still a faithful and active member. though i will admit while in the midst of my depression and before recieving help, church was not helpful contrary to what you may hear from some ladies in relief society. it was painful to sit through church particularly rs, but personal prayer, scriptures, and journaling was helpful. i know that i would not have survived my darkest days with out the comfort of my savior and the holy ghost at times when i felt i had no one. and for those who think it should be easy to ask for help, it isn't. for many reasons, including the shame and fear of sharing your deepest and literally darkest thoughts. and i know for me at least i thought i was asking for help, dropping hints, wishing for just one person to really and truly mean it when they asked 'how are you?' there are those who suffer depression in an obvious way, never getting out of bed, constantly crying etc. people can't help but notice they need help. and then there are "functioning" depressed people, as i was, that on the surface and with out close inspection seemed to be just fine with life but are truly dying inside. as i wasn't dealing with my depression emotionaly it finally took it's toll on me physically. i become so sick and weak that i had to withdraw from school. still not wanting to admit what i suspected was wrong i continued to pursue the physical ailments until reading an article in my doctor's waiting room with 10 questions to tell if you may be depressed, if you answered 3 you were mostly likely depressed, i answered all ten with a yes. when my doctor walked into the exam room i handed her the article and said i answered yes to all of them, and then burst into tears. that was the turning point in my life. she was shocked, surprised as were my parents. and they continued to struggle with my new diagnosis and life on prozac even with my father going so far as to ask me to stop taking prozac for his birthday present! needless to say i turned elsewhere for my support and found a few but steady confidants and dear friends who helped me through that time. and now i have a wonderful and patient husband who holds me on those "black days". but for anyone questioning whether depression is real, or just a hip/cool thing to have as amyjane said. i would advice that anyone who is trying to sound cool by saying they have depression has never experienced true depession. if you have you would never want to be that dark or low again and you would realize that it is a battle everyday to not return to that place. you learn your own signs and you learn what helps and doesn't. and you also move on, don't let it control you or own you. i know now that i am a strong woman, i am a beautiful in my Heavenly Father's eyes and the eyes of my husband and new baby and some days if that's all i know, it is enough.